Top secret Recipes

Find out the recipes for popular foods such as McDonald’s® Shakes, Nabisco® Nilla Wafers®, Burger King® BK Broiler, I.H.O.P® Pancakes, Hostess Twinkie® and others.

Go to http://www.thecookingschool.com/?id_category=19

Gone Fishin’

A fisherman in Kiev electrocuted himself while fishing in the river Tereblya. The 43-year-old man connected cables to the main power supply of his home, and trailed the end into the river. The electric shock killed the fish, which floated belly-up to the top of the water. The man waded in to collect his catch, neglecting to remove the live wire, and tragically suffered the same fate as the fish.

In an ironic twist, the man was fishing for a mourning meal to commemorate the first anniversary of his mother-in-law’s death.

In a related story, on January 9 the China Post reported that a 23-year-old Pingtung man died after eating fish he poisoned in a nearby ditch. Three days of diarrhea and vomiting led to his demise after he ate fish he caught by pouring toxic chemicals in the water at the suggestion of friends.

$100 note tattoo

MAX the accountant rocked home late one night and told his missus, “I’ve just got a $100 note tattooed on my cock!”
“Why the fuck would you do that?” asked his appalled missus.
“Firstly, I like to watch my money grow,” Max said. “Secondly, once in a while I like to play with my money. Thirdly, I like the feel of money in my hand. And finally, instead of you going shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a $100 any time you want!”

Hair on her chest

A WOMAN asked her husband to buy her a fur coat for her 30th birthday.
“Ha!” he snorted. “The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you can grow hair on your chest.”
The chick hiked up her skirt, dropped her panties and thrust her crotch forward. “There,” she said. “I have hair on my chest, now buy me a fur coat.”
“That’s not your chest,” laughed her husband.
“Damn right it’s my chest,” she shot back. “Before we got married this was your hope chest. On our honeymoon it was your treasure chest. Afterwards it became our family chest. And if you don’t buy me a fur coat, it’s about to become the community chest!”

Todays Funny Quote

“I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.”

dad explaines condoms

A FATHER and his young son were in the chemist shop when they walked past a rack of condoms. “What are those things, daddy?” asked the kid.
“They’re condoms. You use them when you’re having sex,” replied the father.
“Why do they come in packs of one, three and 12?” asked the kid.
“When you’re in high school you buy the single pack for when you get lucky on Saturday night,” explained the father. “And when you’re a young man you buy a triple pack so you can do it three times a week with your girlfriend.”
“What about the 12 pack, daddy?” asked the kid.
“Those are for when you’re a married man,” said the father. “One for January, one for February, one for March…”

Todays Funny Quote

“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”

Rita Rutner

No sex since 1955

A crusty old Army Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a
local liberal arts college.

There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance,
one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

‘Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is
something bothering you?’

‘Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.’

‘The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, ‘It looks
like you have seen a lot of action.’

‘Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, ‘You
know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.’

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the
young lady said, ‘You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but
when is the last time you had sex?’

‘1955, ma’am.

‘Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and
led him to a private room where she proceeded to ‘relax’ him several
times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and
said, ‘Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955!’

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his serious voice, ‘I
hope not, it’s only 2130 now.

True story-Lawyer insures cigars

Charlotte , North Carolina.

 A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
 expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

 Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great
 cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on
 the policy the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

 In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost “in a series of
 small fires.”

 The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that
 the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

 The lawyer sued.. and WON!

 (Stay with me.)

 Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company
 that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the
 lawyer held a policy from the company, which it had warranted that
 the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure
 them against fire, without defining what is considered to be
 unacceptable fire” and was obligated to pay the claim.

 Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
 company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his
 loss of the cigars lost in the “fires”.

 NOW FOR THE BEST PART..

 After the lawyer cashed the cheque, the insurance company had him
 arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

 With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case
 being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally
burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail
 and a $24,000 fine.

A blonde goes to the Western Union office

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, “I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe.”

The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies “But I don’t have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it’s urgent! I’ll do anything to get a message to her.”

The clerk replies “Anything?”

“Yes… ANYTHING!” replies the blonde.

He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants. She does. “Take it out”, says the clerk.”

She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says “Well… go ahead and do it…” She brings her lips close to it and shouts “Hello? … Mom?”

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