Elmo Live
February 20, 2008
Michael Jackson Joke
February 19, 2008
Q. WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MICHAEL JACKSON AND A GROCERY BAG?
A. ONE IS MADE OF PLASTIC AND IS DANGEROUS FOR CHILDREN TO PLAY WITH, THE OTHER IS USED TO CARRY GROCERIES.
Doctor Examines Penis
February 19, 2008
A BLOKE came screaming into a medical centre, ignored the big queue of patients, bounded past the receptionist and burst into the doctor’s surgery.
“Doctor, doctor, I need you to look at my dick!” he screamed.
The doctor dropped what he was doing and immediately examined the bloke’s scrotum, testicles and shaft. After five minutes, the doctor looked up at the bloke and said, “I have examined your penis thoroughly but I can’t seem to find anything wrong with it.”
“Yeah, I know that,” said the bloke, “but isn’t it a beauty!”
February 18, 2008
Convict wants sex
February 18, 2008
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife:
“Listen, this guy’s an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.” If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.”
To which his wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!”
Todays Funny Quote
February 18, 2008
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Rodney Dangerfield
I Love You
February 16, 2008
Ace Ventura Halloween
February 14, 2008
Thanksgiving’s Last Stand
February 14, 2008
100’s of cats rescued From olympic site
February 13, 2008
LONDON (Reuters) - More than 160 feral cats and kittens have been rescued from the site of the London 2012 Olympics as demolition work continues at a pace.
A local animal charity has been allowed access to the site to ensure the safety of the cats that have taken refuge in the various industrial buildings that are being bulldozed.
The Olympic Delivery Authority (ODA) said Friday that 168 animals had been discovered and were now in the care of the Celia Hammond Animal Trust.
The ODA, which has also re-housed newts, frogs and fish from the east London site, said demolition work was expected to be completed in March with construction on the main venues beginning later this year.
