Old Age

A WOMAN walked past a little, wizened old man rocking in his chair on his veranda. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you seem,” she said. “What’s your secret to a long and happy life?”
“I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he replied. “I also drink a case of whisky a week, eat fatty foods and I never do a bit of exercise.”
“That’s amazing!” said the woman. “How old are you?”
“I’ll be 26 next month,” answered the man

Todays Funny Quote

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright

Parrot..

 A woman went to a pet shop & immediately
spotted a large, beautiful parrot..
There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
 
 ’Why so little,’ she asked the pet store owner.
 
 The owner looked at her and said,
‘Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution
 and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff

The woman thought about this, but decided
she had to have the bird any way.
 
 She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up
in her living room and waited for it to say something.
 
 The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
 
 ’New house, new madam.’

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,
but then thought ‘that’s really not so bad.’
 
 When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school
the bird saw and said,
‘New house, new madam, new girls.’
 
 The girls and the woman were a bit offended
but then began to laugh about the situation
considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
 
 Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith
came home from work.
 
 The bird looked at him and said,

‘Hi, Keith!’

Joke of the day

A SPEEDING driver was pulled over by a cop. As the cop was writing out the ticket the driver asked, “Can you arrest me for calling you a filthy name?”
“Yes,” answered the cop.
“Well, can you arrest me for thinking something?” asked the driver.
“No, of course not,” replied the cop.
“OK then,” said the driver. “I think you’re a c**t.”

wife joke

Q. IF YOUR DOG IS BARKING AT THE BACK DOOR AND YOUR WIFE IS YELLING AT THE FRONT DOOR, WHO DO YOU LET IN FIRST?
A. THE DOG – HE’LL SHUT UP ONCE YOU OPEN THE DOOR.

Joke of the day

Q. WHY IS A LAUNDROMAT A REALLY BAD PLACE TO PICK UP A WOMAN?
A. BECAUSE A WOMAN WHO CAN’T EVEN AFFORD A WASHING MACHINE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SUPPORT YOU.

Todays Funny Quote

I saw a bank that said “24 Hour Banking,” but I don’t have that much time.

Steve Wright