Waste Work Time-Jokes-Quotes-Funny Pictures-Stories

Lipstick in School

admin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:21:19 +0000

According to a news report, a certain private school in Sydney was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

Car Accident

admin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:19:26 +0000

I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out
of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!’

So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’

Social Security Office

admin — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:17:32 +0000

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for
my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and
realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.

The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’
and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Security office.

She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too’

Homemade Porn

admin — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 01:31:21 +0000

Todays Funny Quote

admin — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:16:43 +0000

“I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah. I thought, ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’”
TIM VINE

admin — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:12:51 +0000

Q. HOW MANY PERSONAL INJURY LAWYERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
A. THREE.

ONE TO TURN THE BULB, ONE TO SHAKE HIM OFF THE LADDER AND ONE TO SUE THE LADDER COMPANY.

admin — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 10:11:51 +0000

AN ELDERLY gentleman and an elderly lady struck up a conversation at the retirement village and discovered that they both loved to fish. They decided to go fishing together and rented a boat. They were floating along when a fork in the river appeared.
The gentleman asked his lady friend, “Do you want to go up or down?”
The woman stripped off her clothes and made passionate love to the old digger right there in the boat. Afterwards, they fished for a while and continued on down the river and soon came upon another fork.
Again the old bloke asked the lady, “Up or down?” and again she stripped off and rooted him senseless. The old digger was so impressed that he asked her to come fishing with him again the next day.
Sure enough, the next day they’re floating along when they came to another fork in the river. The bloke cracked a fat and croaked, “Up or down?”
The woman remained fully clothed and replied, “Down.”
The confused bloke said nothing till he came to another fork and said, “Up or down?”
Once again the woman didn’t do anything except say, “Up.”
The grumpy old man exploded. “Yesterday, every time I asked you if you wanted to go up or down, you made passionate love to me. But today, you give me nothing!”
“Sorry, dearie,” replied the old woman. “Yesterday I wasn’t wearing my hearing aid and I thought the choices were fuck or drown.”

Feels On Wheels

admin — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:31:55 +0000

A “brothel bus” that detectives said cruised Miami Beach offering lap dances and drinks has taken its last ride, police said on Wednesday.Riders were offered oral sex for $100, according to Miami Beach police who impounded the limousine bus and arrested its operator early on Sunday.

The sleek black bus cruised the South Beach neighborhood popular among tourists and club-goers, offering rides and unlimited drinks for $40.

Aboard, undercover detectives said they found a fully stocked bar and several young women who strippeddown to reveal G-strings stuffed with cash and offered to perform sex acts.

Suspected operator Christine Morteh, 29, was arrested on charges of offering to commit prostitution, transportation for the purpose of prostitution and operating a business without a license. She was released from jail on $5,000 bond.

Employees and customers also were charged as part of a citywide prostitution crackdown that resulted in 75 arrests.

admin — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:28:14 +0000

A BLOKE was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered it, a six-foot cockroach punched him between the eyes and scampered.
The next day, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered it, the cockroach was there again and it karate kicked him in the head before running away.
The day after that the doorbell rang again and when he answered it, the cockroach stabbed him several times before bolting. The bloke managed to call an ambulance and get himself to hospital. Once he got there, he explained to the doctor what had happened.
“I’m not surprised to hear that,” said the doctor. “There’s a nasty bug going around.”

Funny Quote

admin — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:26:55 +0000

“Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at ’em, but I wouldn’t want to own one.”
W.C. FIELDS